In Search Of Honest Feedback

[St. Paul Yogini]

Sara and Harlan,

I'll echo the thanks of the many others who've posted so far. I found your ad on my YogaJournal.com Daily Insight e-newsletter and have really enjoyed the forums and videos, they are helpful. Thanks for what you're doing!

I'm pasting the text of my craigslist ad below. Too wordy? I am a certified massage therapist and certified yoga teacher, RYT 200, with lots of experience- and success- helping people reduce their daily pain. I'd like to focus on pain relief for my private sessions. I'm new to attracting privates, sort of. I have done many "privates" with my bodywork clients, sharing the tools of yoga etc. with them to address their pain.

What do you think? Clear or muddy?

thanks for your feedback! BTW- good advice on charging. I am on the lower side- at $65-125 for privates, but know I'm worth that and more. Now I just need the clients!

Title: "Old Age" Pains Are Unnecessary!

Your bone creaking and soreness may not have anything to do with getting older! You do not have to be in constant pain or discomfort. While it

[Sara]

Hi. thanks for the positive feedback. I am glad to know that we are making a difference in people's lifes. And go for getting what you want for your private sessions. You will feel more rewarded for you time and energy that you are giving people.

Now lets get to your ad. For the most part you had some good stuff but need to do it over.

Change your Headline! "Old Age"--people don't want to be aging and those who don't think they are getting older will avoid this add as they may not think of themselves as old. If you only want to attract old people them it's ok but I assume that you want a range of clients. Using the word pain also is a very strong word for a headline. Try rewording you Headline to be catchy and grab the reader's eye. Pain can be a scary word for people.

The middle part of your ad is good. You don't give away too much information but you list some benefits. This is great because you said nothing about yoga, so to find out more they will have to call you.

The ending paragraph of you add is too wordy and the language you are using is too Jargon like as Harlan would say. Avoid using words like enlightened. Make your ad as if you were talking casually to a close freind. The more simple, catchy and straight talk your ad is the more varied clients you will attract.

Just a few adjustments and then it will be great. Send us another draft.
Happy writing,
Sara

[St. Paul Yogini]

Hi Sara (and Harlan)-

OK. Listened to the call between Harlan and Trina earlier, and have watched the Will You Marry Me video- both were amusing and very, very educational! Thank you very much. I've improved (I hope) my craigslist posting and am submitting it again for your feedback. Thank you again for taking the time to help me! Peace,

Lucinda in St. Paul, MN (today, a snow globe!)

Headline: Feeling Sore and Creaky?

Alternate Ideas: Lose the Stiffness! Or Feeling Frozen?
Your stiffness, soreness, and bone creaking don’t mean your body is falling apart. Do you know that you do not have to be in constant pain or discomfort? It is true that our muscles, spine, and joint alignment change during our lifetimes, but change doesn’t have to mean you feel terrible. There are lots of ways you can address your body’s changes and decrease or get rid of the stiffness, soreness, and creaking entirely!

In one-on-one sessions with me, we’ll look at how many times you are moving your body in the same way, how you breathe while you move, and how you are using your body. Repetitive motion tires the body, not to mention the mind! You can move without stiffness and with new effortlessness. I’ll teach you how to
• activate your core,
• change the way you breathe, and
• develop body-awareness.

Your sessions with me will help you understand how the way you move and breathe cause your daily aches and pains. You will learn how change those patterns and become free from soreness. Your sessions are absolutely individual- because no two bodies are alike!

I will design your sessions so they are specific to your body. At each session, you’ll receive a customized packet detailing what we covered in the session and giving you practical advice on making your daily life more comfortable.

Your session will take place at my warm and inviting studio, conveniently located between Minneapolis and St. Paul, minutes from both downtowns at the intersection of I-94 and Hwy. 280.

Are you ready to be free of soreness, stiffness and creaking? Call me today to schedule your personal sessions!

Lucinda Pepper, CMT/CYT/RYT
651-235-8254

[LucyAnn]

Hi,
I also am learning quite a bit on this forum. I am not sure how much everyone feels like sharing from each other, but thought I send my 2