Need help with Craigslist ad

[scmittal]

Hi Sara and Harlan,

I have read most of the posts in the forum and have found them highly informative and useful. Thanks for all the wonderful information that you are providing. I am giving below a brief account of my personal situation and seek your guidance....

I retired from my active corporate life almost two years ago and have recently
moved from New Jersey to the Raleigh area in North Carolina. I now plan to
devote full time to the study and teaching of yoga. I plan to run my yoga
"studio" out of my home as I have a large enough basement which will be finished
by early summer (hopefully by the middle of May). Until the basement is finished, I
have started teaching classes in my living room which can accommodate about 7-8
people. However, I am having trouble attracting new students, I think
predominantly because I am new in the are and no one knows me around as a yoga
teacher. So I am seeking your guidance as to how best
I can promote myself, especially as someone teaching out of his home. Based on some of the suggestions in previous posts I have recently edited my Craigslist ad at Secret to Eliminating Stress. I would truly appreciate your feedback on the ad. The other
means of promotion that I currently have is my website
Integral Yoga Studio where I have posted my schedule and other
yoga related information. I would appreciate any feedback on the format and
content of the website as well. I am looking forward to your valuable input.

[Administrator]

First I lifted this from your website:

What is Yoga?


yogascitta vritti nirodhah

"Yoga is the restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff"
- Sage Patanjali (sutra 1.2) ; translation by Swami Vivekananda

Integral Yoga Class

We teach the Integral Hatha Yoga style of Yoga, taught and popularized by Swami Satchidananda of Yogaville, VA. Each class lasts approximately 1.5 hours and consists of opening and closing chants, Asanas (postures), Yoga Nidra (deep relaxation), Pranayama (breathing techniques), and Dhyana (meditation) and/or discussion on the philosophy of yoga. Please visit the schedule page to determine the schedule most suitable for you. If you wish to sign up for a class, please fill out the Release/Registration form and bring it to the first class.

No one out there who is not already a yoga devotee remotely cares about this.
It is all yoga jargon.

No one knows who Pantajali is.

If your goal is to attract people to your business, I'm sorry to say you are chasing them away.

The shortest page on your site is the benefits page. Ouch!

The benefits page should be right up front on your site - not hidden.

You have to completely redo the site - unless your goal is ONLY to attract yoga teachers.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Now as far as your Craigslist ad goes, it doesn't say enough. It doesn't build any rapport
and then for the final blow - sends people to the website.

Need I say more?

You've invested in the site but your site is actually hurting you.

I hope you'll read through the many posts on this forum about the benefits of yoga and consider rewriting your site.

Peace.

Harlan

[scmittal]

Hi Harlan,

Thanks a lot for your prompt and candid feedback. It is now clear to me that I am too entrenched in yoga and have no clue about yoga business. Based on what you have said and also what I have been reading on the forums, I am definitely going to re-do my website. What will really help me is if you could direct me to a couple of yoga websites which you think create the right impact in attracting new students so I can get some ideas on how to redesign my site.

Do you suggest I hold off on redoing my Craigslist ad until the website is done or should I update my ad and just remove the reference to the website? Please advise. Thank you so much again.

Subhash

[Administrator]

There's no such thing as "too entrenched in yoga."

Take that from someone who typically does 3 hours a day while pretending to run a marketing business.

You are right to work on your Craigslist first. Delete the references to the website for now.

So your ad needs to be longer.

It needs to have more benefits.

It needs to be conversational.

Type up your ad and go find people on the streets who are your target market - women age 25-55 and ask them to read the ad and give you feedback.

Find a place where it's safe and they won't be frightened. It could be at a check out line.

Try, "Could you do me a favor? I need a woman's feedback on an ad I've written?"

Once you start getting feedback, your ads will flow better.

True story: I had to write some emails for some spa beauty products. One of my mentors had me read 2 Danielle Steele novels, subscribe to Oprah and More magazine, and - this is the best part - spend the day at the cosmetics counter in Bloomingdales.

Plus, I had to ask the women there about their choices and purchasing habits. First I started talking with the saleswomen. Soon they realized I was safe and I was chatting with customers as well.

I still can't believe I did it. Boy the way, the ad I wrote was a big hit because I knew what the audience was looking for.

You have to learn to get inside the head of your target audience.

I never write an ad until I do this research.

So don't consider this a stop sign. Consider it a speed bump.

Peace and please share your new ad (and the success) with us.

Harlan

[jane hb]

Hi all, great information as always. I posted a question some time ago (actually Harlan posted it for me) anyway, I guess it got lost in the shuffle. It is under the thread, Your Books Are Being Mailed. I would love a response if possible.
Thank you, Jane

[jennifer]

Hi Guys,
Here it is

Come experience the benefits of one on one sessions with a certified yoga and pilates instructor. Reduce stress, increase flexibility and strength and improve your life. Each session is tailored to meet your specific needs and help you achieve your goals in a supportive and non-competititive environment. From therapeutic movement to a vigorous work-out, I am here to inspire you to become your best self.

With in three days I have had four e-mail responses and 1 turned into a phone call that I am relatively sure will book appointments this coming week. Only one of them wanted a date!!!
Any feedback?

Namaste,
Jennifer

[scmittal]

Hi Harlan,

Here is the revised ad. As suggested, I have added more info to the benefits... still not sure how to make it more conversational - would appreciate your feedback. Thank you so much.

Subhash
__
Secret to Releasing Stress (Morrisville)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: subhashmittal@gmail.com
Date: 2007-03-22, 4:39PM EDT


Are you feeling stressed? Too much pressure at work? Do your shoulder or neck muscles feel tight because of the stress? Feeling low energy at the end of the day?
Well, I can help you get back on track through a series of stretching, toning and strengthening moves along with some breath work and deep relaxation that will:
Relieve you of your mental stress and accompanying physical symptoms. There is scientific evidence that shows that by practicing physical postures with full awareness and some of the breathing and relaxation techniques can help relieve stress and anxiety
Increase strength and flexibility; it does not matter what physical condition or shape you are currently in, these practices will help you develop more strength, flexibility and endurance
Help you deal with chronic ailments
Develop a positive outlook and a feeling of relaxation and well-being
improve overall health by developing: healthy appetite, good digestion, sound sleep, perfect functioning of the various organs of the body, proper pulsation, timely elimination of wastes, a positive attitude to one's duties and responsibilities, and happiness of mind.
Help eliminate all the toxins and tension, tone and strengthen the spine, rejuvenate the nerves, and correct any malfunctions in the glands


I offer both group and private yoga lessons in a friendly, cozy environment. Each lesson lasts 1.5 hours. Whether you are brand new to yoga or are a seasoned practitioner, you will find these sessions highly rejuvenating, energizing and relaxing.
Take advantage of the New Student Special: 4 classes for only $25.
Please call 919-337-0072 for more information or to sign up for a class.




Location: Morrisville
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

License info: Unlicensed

PostingID: 298623753

[Administrator]

Originally Posted by scmittal

Hi Harlan,

Here is the revised ad. As suggested, I have added more info to the benefits... still not sure how to make it more conversational - would appreciate your feedback. Thank you so much.

Subhash
__
Secret to Releasing Stress (Morrisville)

It's worth testing this as a headline.

I would also test Secret To Weight Loss which I think is a bigger draw than
stress relief.

Originally Posted by scmittal

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: subhashmittal@gmail.com
Date: 2007-03-22, 4:39PM EDT


Are you feeling stressed? Too much pressure at work? Do your shoulder or neck muscles feel tight because of the stress? Feeling low energy at the end of the day?

Break these up for easier readability.

Now I tell my copywriting students never to begin with questions.

Here's why.

The goal of writing an ad is to get people so excited they can't put your
ad down and want to order your product or service as soon as possible.

But when you ask a question like "Are you feeling stressed?" they have to
go inside to answer it.

And when they go inside, they are no longer reading your ad.

So restate the questions as If statements. If you are feeling stressed...

Now if you haven't watched our video "Will you marry me?" yet, watch
it.

You're jumping the gun here.

You want to build a relationship with the reader and you haven't done it
yet.

Originally Posted by scmittal

Well, I can help you get back on track through a series of stretching, toning and strengthening moves along with some breath work and deep relaxation that will:
Relieve you of your mental stress and accompanying physical symptoms. There is scientific evidence that shows that by practicing physical postures with full awareness and some of the breathing and relaxation techniques can help relieve stress and anxiety
Increase strength and flexibility; it does not matter what physical condition or shape you are currently in, these practices will help you develop more strength, flexibility and endurance
Help you deal with chronic ailments
Develop a positive outlook and a feeling of relaxation and well-being
improve overall health by developing: healthy appetite, good digestion, sound sleep, perfect functioning of the various organs of the body, proper pulsation, timely elimination of wastes, a positive attitude to one's duties and responsibilities, and happiness of mind.
Help eliminate all the toxins and tension, tone and strengthen the spine, rejuvenate the nerves, and correct any malfunctions in the glands

Once again, break this up for readability.

Once you start talking about organs in the body and timely elimination
of waste, you are using language the public doesn't understand.

I'd rather you used a technique I call "future pacing" - let them know
what there life will be like in very simple terms.

You'll wake up in the morning filled with energy and completely relaxed
from a good night's sleep.

In fact, people at work will be amazed at the transformation in you.

Some people may even think you've been taking Prozac!

But you'll know the truth. It's the fact that you've discovered
the all natural secret to healthy stress reduction.

It's not a pill.

It's not a drink.

It's an ancient secret that has relieved stress for thousands of
people.

It's yoga.

Now, explain what yoga is and isn't.

Originally Posted by scmittal

I offer both group and private yoga lessons in a friendly, cozy environment. Each lesson lasts 1.5 hours. Whether you are brand new to yoga or are a seasoned practitioner, you will find these sessions highly rejuvenating, energizing and relaxing.
Take advantage of the New Student Special: 4 classes for only $25.
Please call 919-337-0072 for more information or to sign up for a class.

Never put prices in your ad.

You give too many details.

Classes are 1.5 hours long! Oh my gosh. I don't have time for that!

You are letting them make decisions without enough information.

But this ad is way better than the last one.

Commercial Break:
Of course, I'm the lazy one. I would just use the ads I'll be writing
for everyone in the print newsletter.
End of Commercial Break:

Keep at it because Craigslist is a goldmine for yoga teachers.

Followed by your own website.

Today Sara got two new clients. I have no idea how she is going
to fit them into her schedule.

She better not give them my time!

I look forward to seeing your next version.

Peace.

Harlan

[scmittal]

Hi Harlan,

Your feedback is invaluable - you are truly a source of inspiration.

Please see the revised ad at Secret to Eliminating Stress So far, I have not received any calls. As you have suggested, I will continue to revise the ad every week incorporationg your suggestions, and hopefully I will start getting some response.

I plan to start redoing my website based on your feedback. I would appreciate it if you could direct me to a couple of sites which in your opinion create the right kind of impact on the viewers. Thanks.

Subhash

[Administrator]

Here was your ad posted on Craigslist: My comments are in red.

If you are feeling stressed, your shoulder or neck muscles feel tight because of the stress or you wake up in the morning feeling listless and find yourself lacking energy during the day....

Good opening.

Well, I can help you get back on track through a series of stretching, toning and strengthening moves along with breath work and deep relaxation that will:

You Change The Ad from About Them (Important) to About You (Not Important).

• Relieve you of your mental stress and accompanying physical symptoms. There is scientific evidence that shows that practicing physical postures with full awareness and some of the breathing and relaxation techniques can help relieve stress and anxiety

Good. Where did this evidence come from? What's the proof?

• Increase strength and flexibility; it does not matter what your age is or what physical condition or shape you are currently in, these practices will help you develop more strength, flexibility and endurance

You must say much more here. Give examples.

• Help you deal with chronic ailments

How? Are you a doctor?

• Develop a positive outlook and a feeling of relaxation and well-being

OK...

• You'll wake up in the morning filled with energy and completely relaxed from a good night's sleep.

Good

• Observing your renewed vigor and vitality, people at work will be amazed at the transformation in you. They might even think that you are taking some kind of an energy pill!
  
  But you'll know the truth. It's the fact that you've discovered the all natural secret to healthy stress reduction.
  
  It's not a pill. It's not a drink. It's an ancient secret that has relieved stress for scores of people.
  
  It's yoga. Now popular the world over, yoga is a combination of physical postures, breathing techniques, deep relaxation and meditation that will help you realize all the benefits stated above after just a few sessions.

That's it? Party's over? Tell me more about it! I don't know anything?
Don't you have to be able to get into wierd positions and stand on your left nostril or something?

Tell them what it's about!


I offer both group and private yoga lessons in a friendly, cozy environment. Each lessons lasts 1.5 hours. Whether you are brand new to yoga or are a seasoned practitioner, you will find these sessions highly rejuvenating, energizing and relaxing.

First, I don't think they need to know it's 1.5 hours. What if they only have an hour? Would you not take them as a client?

Tell them what a session is like.

How do you know they can do it?

How will you evaluate them as a candidate?


Please call 919-337-0072 for more information or to sign up for a class.

You are getting better. Sara's ads were much longer.

Sometimes a few days go by before the phone rings.

Typically Monday - Wednesday are better days to post.

But you must test.

Keep going!

Peace.

Harlan